You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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