Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
