I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
