loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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