New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
