i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
