im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
