You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
