If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
