I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
