I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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