You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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