After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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