If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I would ride that face into the sunset
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
