You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
