it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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