oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
