sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
