He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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