So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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