just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
