I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
