You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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