I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
