I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
