i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This baby is an asshole
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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