Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
