if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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