My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
