R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
