You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
