It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
