how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
