My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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