at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
