And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
