We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Text me some of your sweat
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
