Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
