I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
