and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You brought string cheese to the strip club
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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