Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
