he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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