if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
