kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
