so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
