I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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