You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
