Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
