I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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