She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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