I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
