so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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