'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I don't deserve a penis
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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