She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my being single is dangerous.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
