omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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