her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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