So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
