The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
