I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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