i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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