i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
